Playing with Fate
by mishyanna
Summary: Mark & Susan story Marsan - what if...? Yes, the original & best coupling of ER, ever...i'm rewatching the first three seasons, hence this story : . Hope there's still an audience on here for Marsan!
1. Chapter 1

"I do love you!" Susan called out of the train window as it slowly pulled away.

"What?" Mark shouted back.

"I love you! Bye!"

And that had been it. No jumping off the train into his embrace, no promises of meeting again in a week – no nothing. Heck, he didn't even know where she would be staying. Deflated, he watched the train pull further and further away from Union Station until it passed the bend in the tunnel, and with a last glint of silver, existed no longer. He would sit there for another hour, but she wasn't on her way back.

* * *

Phoenix, Arizona, the land of sun. Susan smiled broadly as Chloe deposited little Susie into her arms.

"I've got a course that starts in 20 minutes, and I'm going out to later with some people from college. You'll be fine with her wont you?"

Susan smiled at the last sentence, as further proof Chloe would make it.

"I'll be fine, go, go. We'll just take a nice little walk down to the park, wont we Susie? And then we'll cook something yummy – do you need dinner Chloe?"

But Chloe had already zipped out the door. Susan placed Susie into her crib for an afternoon nap, and set about unpacking the rest of her suitcase. She couldn't believe it had only been 3 days since she had arrived. It already felt so much like home, as though she belonged here, with a family and some semblance of order.

"Aunt Susie better get all this unpacked, huh? Or else I wont have anything to use soon!"

Susan smiled indulgently as Susie gurgled happily under the cot mobile, moving her fingers as the shapes spun round. Susan turned and opened the 2nd last box. Cutlery – what was she thinking! Why did she drag plates and knives from County to Phoenix? Wondering wryly at her logic of forgetting to label boxes in her haste to pack, she re-sealed the lid of the box and promptly pushed it underneath her bed. Cutting open the tape on the last box with her keys, she hesitated for a moment as she opened the lid. The box of photos.

"Well, it's probably better to get it over with", she sighed resignedly, as she shuffled through the scrambled mess of photos she'd scooped up from her dresser table. It lay there in the top of the pile – the only photo they'd taken together. She felt the familiar breath catch in her throat as she looked closely into the picture. She'd done this so often before, back at her old home, and she'd never been sure what she was really looking for. They matched, complemented each other so well – there was no doubt about that. But that wasn't enough anymore.

She'd always loved him to some degree, but the timing had always been wrong – his wife, his divorce, Rachel, Chloe, decisions peppered in between. They had been far too rational all along, and had left it far too late. If he had asked her to stay in the moments she was making up her mind, straight after her holiday here – she might have considered it. If he had given her something to stay behind for, she would have considered not leaving. But them matching was something that she wanted to put behind her. Phoenix was a chance to start anew, and she wasn't going to let a picture they'd taken in a photo booth upset that. Heaving a sigh, she placed the photo underneath the albums and closed the box under her bed.


	2. Chapter 2

'_I'm transferring my residency.'_

_The simpleness of that phrase had caught him off guard. He had come to her unit prepared for her to tell him that she had either fallen for Morgenstern, had problems that he had been unaware of but Morgenstern had – or, he had hoped, was not really in love with Morgenstern. _

_Now the weight of those words, and the idea of Phoenix, crept onto him in silence. _

'…_like I'm finally moving on with my life.'_

_He caught the choking in her voice as she said those words. He knew how much the past few months had been for her. Between Chloe and the baby, losing the baby and all the other instances in between, he hadn't seen her truly emotional for a reason that wasn't related to Chloe. _

'_That's great…'_

_A million messages flickered between their eyes. She had made up her mind, and he had no idea how to respond. He wasn't going to ask her to stay – what could he offer her that could be greater than her family? She was finally moving on from all the pain he'd caused her by not treasuring what they had, and stopping her would be entirely selfish. _

'_God…so you're sure?' _

_Please don't be – he thought. But she was. He would miss her and she would miss him. There seemed like a thousand things that were left unsaid in that one moment. He looked away, unsure where to glance, but sure that if he looked at her he would betray more emotion than he was willing to let out at the moment. He remained lost for words as she leant over and hugged him – he could only pretend to be genuinely happy back. _

'_I'm going to miss you'._

'_I know. I'm going to miss you too.'_

_Her voice quivered as she pulled away from the hug and looked at his face. She had no idea what this meant, or what the future would hold, but she knew that she needed to move away from everything she knew here. Finally, he lifted his gaze and met her eyes. This might be the last time I get to talk to her…_

'_I…I don't know what to say. God…'_

_He sighed. Her eyes searched on his face for a fight, something that showed her he would fight to make her stay. He looked at her silently once again, meeting her gaze, and even though he knew now was wrong – it was all not meant to happen like this – he leant forward and brushed her lips with his. Not resisting, she sat up and pressed her lips against his, doing what she had wanted to for a long time, but had been afraid to. None of that seemed to matter, now that they were certain their lives would part after this. As he responded, kissing her, trying to grab onto any memory or any feelings inside her that would remind her that staying back was the right thing, her fingers reached behind him awkwardly as they fumbled in search of a reason and an explanation. _

* * *

"My, your Aunt Susan's more forgetful than you!" Susan laughed, as she scooped up Susie for their walk in the park.

"What do you say to lamb chops tonight?"

Susie clapped her hands at the grin on Susan's face, and Susan strapped her tight into her

stroller.

"It's getting late, the wind is going to pick up, I'll just go grab you a coat," giggled Susan as she walked into the baby's room. Suddenly, the world seemed to spin for a moment as Susan grabbed the dresser table for balance. Shaking her head, she vowed to sleep earlier.

_If she could sleep_. If Mark would stop appearing in her thoughts every time she closed her eyes, then maybe she could get some rest.

Smiling away the small shock of being unsteady on her feet, Susan decided she was coming down with something and she'd better grab some asprin whilst they were in the shops. Bending down, she tickled Susie's chin as she grabbed her keys and purse, and pushed Susie's pram out the front door into the Arizona sunset.


	3. Chapter 3

Susan sighed as she leaned against the chair. It was insane that taking care of one child, Susie, could be so tiring. It probably would help if she could sleep at night, instead of constantly thinking of what she had left behind in Chicago. She looked sadly at the phone. Sure, he was only a phone call away. Perhaps calling him would make more sense, instead of wondering what he really thought. But she was too certain that the way she had left - the way she hadn't left anything for him to hope on - that the last thing he wanted to hear was her voice. Let bygones be bygones - it might be more difficult now, but at least he wouldn't be left wondering. He could move on. If she felt like this after two weeks, another two weeks would definitely dull the pain, and they could both begin their new lives.

* * *

Mark stood at the door to her - his - apartment, staring absentmindedly at the handle on the door. He knew, logically, that taking over the lease was the worst idea he had carried through for a while. What use was it reminding himself of her? The way she had left - he had wanted to tell her so much the speech he had rehearsed for the past month - but she had a new life, and that new life was in Phoenix, away from Chicago, away from County, away from him. He pushed open the door with a regrettable sigh, stepped in, and glanced at the phone. He knew he should call her, but if she hadn't wanted him to be a part of her new life, calling would just be imposing himself. He should be happy for her. Moving forward was something that she had decided on, and he would have to work towards.

* * *

Susan picked up her gurgling niece, surprised that she was hungry again.

"I only just fed you an hour ago!"

She smiled indulgently as the baby waved her arms around, and whacked Susan in the face.

"Ow! Oh you..."

Susan smiled as she strapped Susie into the walker, ready to walk out and meet Chloe at the community hall for dinner - when all of a sudden, the world spun. Leaning on the sofa, she sat down and wondered what had happened.

"Oh get over it, it's probably lack of sleep..."

As she got to her feet again, the weight on her legs made them buckle and she crumpled heavily onto the floor. Susie began wailing as she sensed something was wrong.


	4. Chapter 4

An hour later, Susan opened her eyes and wondered where she was. 'Oh god...Susie..."  
She got to her feet and found Susie exactly where she had left her, still strapped into the walker, sleeping soundly now that crying hadn't gotten her any attention.

"Thank god..."

Susan slowly made her way to the phone and rang the community centre, leaving a message to tell Chloe she wasn't feeling well, and would meet her at home. Uncertain of how much weight her legs could hold, Susan slowly pushed Susie's walker towards her cot, and sat herself down before unbuckling Susie to put her into bed. Rubbing her forehead, she closed her eyes and leaned back on the bed, mind and heart racing as to what had happened to her - she would have to get herself to a doctors tomorrow.

* * *

She awoke to the sound of clanging and shouting. Susan sat up quickly and ran to her bedroom door, wondering what the racket outside was. As she opened the door, her heart sank. Chloe was home. Chloe was home, and drunk, and shouting hysterically at Joe.

"I told you..you...fucker, you can do whatever you want, but you DONT bring the bitch home..."  
"Chloe! She's not anyone! I just work with her!"  
"Yeah sitting in MY lounge drinking cocktails! No..no one you, bloody, no one touches MY home!"  
"FINE Chloe, whatever you think! Do you know how hard you are to deal with??? You can take that baby and sister of yours and survive by YOURSELF, see if i care anymore!"  
Joe walked out and slammed the door behind him. Susie started wailing.  
"SHUT UP, BABY. shut up, shut up, shut up, shut..."  
Chloe started crying as Susan opened her door wider and ran out. There was glass everywhere - probably from the two smashed cocktail glasses on the floor.  
"Chloe...Chloe...what happened?  
Chloe said nothing and just sobbed.

Susan ran to Susie's room to check on her niece, who by this time was crying her lungs out. She picked her up and rocked her, as the muffled sounds of Chloe's distress became slower and slower, until Chloe passed out, drunk, on the wooden floorboards.  
As Susie calmed down, Susan felt tears prick the back of her eyes. Of course...she had been stupid for thinking that Chloe and Joe would work out so easily. For thinking that Chloe had changed and that she had a grip on herself - enough to take care of Susie. So the decision to move here had been right, and there was no way she could go back.

* * *

A shocked silence hung over the room like an encompassing cover.  
"What..?"  
Dr Bawldin looked again at her fellow doctor in front of her.  
"I said congratulations...you're about five weeks pregnant..."  
Susan was speechless.  
"Are you sure? I mean, i just passed out once! Why would you run a pregnancy test anyway? Or maybe the labs got mixed up with..."  
Alison looked amusingly at her colleague.  
"Susan, I thought I'd run it along with your blood tests because that's exactly how I felt before I found out I was pregnant with Jason. I was constantly tired, annoyed, and I'd snip at everyone and anyone. And I passed out three times before I went to see a doctor! I thought it was because of my divorce, and after I found out I had Jason, it suddenly made perfect sense!"  
Susan was still silent.  
"You don't have to decide what you want to do yet, you know. When I knew about Jason, I told Nick and his response just made me more certain divorcing him was the right thing to do. So I went through with the pregnancy, gave birth, and I'm raising him. By myself. What I'm trying to say is that we have a lot of options here...management is completely supportive of pregnant women - and YOU have a lot of options. I know you're new in Phoenix, and you've probably left lots of things behind...but whatever your decision is, think over it for a few days ok?"  
Susan nodded mutely.  
"It's a shock, I know. But you'll have to start cutting down on the caffeine soon!"  
Susan gave a small smile.  
"I guess that's the worst part huh?"  
Alison smiled.  
"Yeap."  
At that moment a nurse opened the door and shouted "MVA in 2 minutes!"  
Alison smiled at Susan and opened the door.  
"Lets get back to work whilst you have a good think!" 


	5. Chapter 5

Back in County, Mark had just had the worst day since Susan had left four weeks ago.

"$10 bets he kills this one too", Wendy whispered to Jerry.

"You're on..."  
"Put me in for $5", Conni shot back as she walked past.

* * *

"Charge to 300" Mark shouted  
"Charged"  
"Clear!"  
The body on the table jumped.  
Doug sighed and put his hand on Mark's shoulder.  
"She's gone Mark. Call it. It's been 30 minutes."  
Inhaling deeply, Mark dropped the paddles and pushed up his glasses.  
_Patient number 6...  
_Doug glanced at Mark.  
"Time of death, 10:58".

Doug and Mark exited the room.  
"There was no way that one was going to come back...she was down 20 in the field already..." Doug said, trying to console Mark, who at that moment looked completely lost.  
"Mark..."  
Mark stared straight ahead as they kept walking.  
"I'm going home, my shift's over" he said to Doug.  
"Get some rest ok? Will you be ok?" Doug asked gently.  
"Yeah. I just need some rest..."  
Doug nodded as his friend walked out the doors of the emergency room, then shook his head sadly.  
"He still down?" Carol asked as she walked past Doug.  
"Yeah. Susan should never have left" Doug sighed, defeated.  
"Well, she waited long enough." Carol shot back. "But yeah, I do wish she'd come back."  
Shaking his head, Doug walked towards reception, as Jerry divided up the $60 in the pot to the winners.

* * *

Susan's hands lingered over the telephone. Okay, so she would have to eventually call him. And tell him. And then...well, what could they do? Long distance relationships weren't going to work out - especially with the hours that they worked. She couldn't leave Phoenix, with the way Chloe and Susie were going - and there was no way she could ask Mark to leave Chicago. After all, Rachel was on the East Coast, and that way, he could still have her over for weekends.

A baby was definately the last thing they needed to happen right now.

* * *

A/N - I've boycotted season 3 since Susan left, so I'm going to take "creative license" and not follow the timeline of Mark's relationships post-Susan. You'll see why soon :). 


End file.
